On Friday, The State Council Information Office of the People’s Republic of China published a report  titled “The Human Rights Record of the United States in 2011.”

Apparently China thinks it’s in some position to criticize the United States about our human rights records. In the same way we think we’re in some position to criticize China’s human rights records. Anyway…

I totally passed this little bit of news up the first time I saw it (it was really, really long) but looking back, it was totally worth it.

I’ve included some of the best parts from the report below for your reading pleasure. For best results, I recommend reading it with your worst chinese accent. ∞

“The Human Rights Record of the United States in 2011″

“…Its society is chronically suffering from violent crimes, and its citizens’ lives, properties and personal security are in lack of proper protection.”

“The United States is the leader among the world’s developed countries in gun violence and gun deaths.”

“While advocating press freedom, the United States in fact imposes fairly strict censoring and control over the press and ”press freedom” is just a political tool used to beautify itself and attack other nations.”

“The US remains the country with the largest ”prison population” and the highest per capita level of imprisonment in the world, and the detention centers’ conditions are terrible.”

“Contrary to the wealthiest 10 percent, the number of Americans living in poverty as well as the poverty rate continued to hit record highs, which is a great irony in affluent America.”

“Ethnic minorities in the United States have long been suffering systemic, widespread and institutional discrimination.”

“The US has been pursuing hegemony in the world, grossly trampling upon the sovereignty of other countries and capriciously violating human rights against other nations.”

“The US’ own tarnished human rights record has made it in no condition, on a moral, political or legal basis, to act as the world’s ”human rights justice,” to place itself above other countries…”

• Read entire article here.

Occupy Wall Street NY 2011

Demonstrators protest in Times Square on October 15, 2011 in New York City. (Mario Tama/Getty Images)